Being of a certain age (I remember when Buffalo had a professional hockey team) many of my friends have either retired or are talking about it. These conversations are as painful as listening to your parents’ ailments.
With the retirements come the inevitable discussions about where they will live. A racetrack bettor would box this trifecta of answers:
- Stay right here in our home town. The reason for the choice to stay in our home town is either because there is family here they need to look after, or they have many friends here. But over time this choice becomes less relevant as family and friends either pass on or we get tired of hearing about their ailments and don’t want to hang around them any more.
- Move to where there children are. An obvious choice. They want to be near their kids and grandchildren. Especially the grandchildren. After all, it’s payback time…take the grandkids for an hour after dinner, give them a cup of sugar cubes topped with honey, then drop them off. The grandkids will make sure their parents don’t sleep that night.
- Florida. We can all guess the primary reason for moving to Florida. All together now: “It’s warm.” Sure, it’s warmer. But let’s look at the other side of the coin…
What’s wrong with Florida? Hmmm, let’s see…
- Hurricanes. You sure won’t have to worry about watering your flowers. Instead, this time will be used to board up your windows.
- Sinkholes. Florida is like a real-life episode of Twilight Zone. You are walking along and “poof”, you are now taking the shortcut straight down to China. How many ways does God have to say “Don’t move here”?
- Population. The population doubles every 20 years. And you think it’s crowded on an airplane?
- Donde esta la English? Florida was the first state to require “Press 1 for English, 2 for Spanish” on all recorded phone messages. You will soon be a foreigner in your own country.
- The Heat. The ‘warmth’ of Florida is great – in the winter. But in the summer the heat is unbearable. At least you can go outside and do things during a northern winter. They provide opportunities for building snowforts, skiing, snow angels (try making a grass angel in Florida – you will find that fire ants don’t take kindly to being covered up), sledding, snowmobiling, polar bear swims, snowball fights, and bowling leagues. What can you do during a Florida summer? Let’s see. Go find a pool (where the water temp is now 92º), go to the beach, or join a bowling league. That’s it. After three days your cycle starts over. By then, you’ve started your annual trip up north!
Hmm, maybe I should have titled this entry “Why I’m Tired of FL Talk”???
