The Front Porch: Busier Than It Looks!

We have a front porch and we love it.  In the summer our porch is like another room of the house, only more important.  Here is my list of my favorite rooms:

1. Bathroom – anything you can do in all the other rooms can be done in the bathroom, but the reverse is not true.
2. Porch – you are about to read why.
3. Bedroom – better than the living room because the bedroom has a pillow for your head while you fall asleep watching television.
4. All Others – consider these compartments for all our stuff.

In the evening the porch is a perfect place to chat with friends.  If enough people stop by then it turns into a spontaneous porch party.  “Night Out” has nothing on us.  A get-together can last anywhere from a few minutes to late in the night.  Sometimes 10:30 P.M.  Woo-hoo!!!

Living on one of the busiest streets in town, the traffic is a feeder for the next topic to talk about:

• “There goes so-and-so, wonder if he’s found a job yet”.  Then we start discussing people who are out of work or recently retired.  Mainly those recently retired.  At our age if you are out of work you might as well be retired.
• “There’s so-and-so again.  That’s the fifth time he’s driven by tonight.  Must be waiting for his girlfriend’s husband to leave.”  Then we discuss who is going out with who, and who is “seeing” around with who.  (Try to have a hairdresser for this – they know EVERYTHING!!!)
• “Why do the police keep driving by that house on the corner?”  Then we discuss where to get the best donuts.

Drivers frequently honk as they go by.  If you ever drive by and honk, and we don’t respond, then here’s why:  the glare off their windows makes it impossible to recognize you.  WE HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE!  Well, that’s not quite true.  Once, Jack and I were in the front yard when our neighbor and a relative drove by.  Our neighbor honked so Jack and I waved.  The passenger waved back.  Turns out, it was Mark Valley from Boston Legal and other television shows.  As Carl Spackler once said, “So I got that going for me.  Which is nice.”

Sometimes I’ll find myself sitting alone on the porch counting the cars and trucks.  I don’t know why I do that, either.  I just do, okay?  Anyway, I will count 100 vehicles and see how many are trucks.  And here is the “Worthless Statistic of the Year” – 99% of the time the total number of trucks is either 18 or 19 out of the 100.  I lead a full life.

My wife takes pride in decorating and arranging the porch furniture.  Adirondack chairs, rockers, a glider, tables.  Everything except a fridge and TV.  There are three nice rockers on the porch.  I like rocking because it allows me to truthfully tell people I can’t sit still.  I’m not allowed to sit in the other chairs, though.  Apparently, our bathroom scale is not the lone item that can handle only so much weight.

Foot traffic is common, too.  Some are out for a stroll, some are joggers, some are walking their dog.  The people walking their dogs always carry a doggy poop bag.  I don’t go for carrying a poop bag so I take our dog for walks at night.  Although there are times when I wish I had a bag, dog walk or not.

So, if you are ever in the neighborhood and are looking for something to do, just stop by.  We are always happy to entertain on our porch.  And you will take comfort knowing that, this time, we aren’t talking about YOU!